Forgiveness is Hard but…

Dear Needs Redirection,

I want to bust up your diarrhea storm up with some massive shame busting lasers! First off, let’s just put it out there… Life can be really hard and this is normal.

We all sometimes feel like people don’t care about us and sometimes the people closest to us are tapped out and maybe don’t care as much as we’d like. This feels like gar-baj (garbage)! And it’s ok to acknowledge how that makes you feel… But the key, in my humble opinion, is to not get sucked into the diarrhea storm.

So, as a “hypothetical” example of something I want to let go. As I type, I acknowledge for the umpteenth time a particular person I know who acts/ed like they were better than me and snubs me when we run into each other.

This example, I am going to admit, I’ve thought about more times than I would like to admit but my expectation for myself to magically move on, hasn’t transpired so today I want to give myself some slack and say, “Hey, I’m sorry that incident hurt your feelings. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way.”

Pause.

I did actually pause and take it in and now, I am willing to move on.

My hurt is on the smaller side so I can move onto the next step more easily but if you are dealing with larger hurts, give yourself more time. Journal about it, talk to a trusted friend or therapist, go out and move your body, get some sun, squeeze a towel and plan a release date. A release date is a date you deem you will be willing to let your grievance go…

Did you know that forgiveness takes practice? When I was younger, I would go to church and hear how I shouldn’t hold a grudge and how I should forgive because that’s what Jesus would do.

#1, I’m not Jesus and #2 I gotta shoot my shame busting laser at the part where I shouldn’t hold a grudge. It’s normal to want to hold a grudge. And, I also aim my laser at the I should forgive statement. Forgiveness is not easy.

Forgiveness is not easy!

But, I want to reframe forgiveness today. Let me start by saying forgiveness is hard and forgiveness doesn’t come naturally to most and it’s even harder to come by when we are dragged down with shame. It’s a weight when we feel like something is wrong with us because we want to hold a grudge in addition to having trouble not holding a grudge, forgiving and letting go.

But alas there is scientific research according to Dr. Frederic Luskin, PhD of Stanford University that backs up forgiveness being tied to our well being and how we can get better at it with practice. So, you don’t have to forgive to be a good person. You can forgive because it’s good for you.

I recommend starting your forgiveness training on smaller matters first. Last night I practiced forgiving my cat for waking me right after I fell asleep. Little steps… I acknowledged that I wanted to forgive her carefree and loud pouncing.

I hope this helps you to redirect your attention from What’s wrong with me to what I’m going through is normal and Man, sometimes it’s really hard but I am going to practice releasing and letting go of the many hurts in my life because I have the power to do so and it is an amazing thing I can do for myself. I will remember that the more I practice letting go, the easier it will become.

Also, you’re a badass!

Love,

Ah Mei